My words

I sit and I just think.. I think about all the negative things surrounding me and how suffocating it all feels.. But even though it feels so horrible I just wallow in it & I dont do anything to make it go away for the fear of the unfamiliar. I stay to what I know instead of branching out & taking a chance on being alone or not being accepted. Its just hard to understand why all of these bad things keep happening to me when I put my heart & soul into what I do.. & great things are happening to everyone else. When will my time come? & why is it that nothing anyone says is comforting.. Once again frustration & anxiety rear their ugly heads..

“Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman’s love- it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure. If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a moutain for you, too, no matter how you’ve acted out, no matter what crazy thing you’ve done, no matter the time or demand. If you are her man, she will talk to you until there just aren’t anymore words left to say, encourage you when you’re at rock bottom and think there just isn’t any way out, hold you in her arms when your sick, and laugh with you when youre up. And if your her man and that woman loves you-I mean really loves you?- she will shine you up when youre dusty, encourage you when your down, defend you even whe she’s not so sure you were right, and hang on your every word, even when youre not saying anything worth listening to. And no matter how many times you slam the door on the relationship, she will give you her very best and then some, and keep on trying to win your heart, even when you act like everything she’s done to convince you she’s THE ONE just isn’t good enough.” Soo I felt like this was written EXACTLY for me at this point in my life.. This is exactly how I felt about my ex *shrug.. Nothing I can do now..

Dear God, I just want to thank you for giving me the strength to make it through another day in this darkness.. I never would have made it without you.. I give all my problems to you to deal with.. I now trust everything will work out.. Im sorry that I had to let my whole life fall apart in order for me to recognize you.. I pray that my family be watched over & that no illness comes to them. I also pray that Devon finds you & is healed from all the pain he experiences. I pray that his life be touched & him blessed as much as possible. I pray that tomorrow is easier than today. Lord I pray.. In jesus name, Amen

Im home alone again.. And your out hangin with your friends.. (So you say) but I know its not quite that way. its getting pretty late and you haven’t checked on me all day.. When I called you didnt answer.. Now im feeling like your ignoring me.. I wish I could go back to the day before we met & skip my regret.. I wish I wasnt in love with you so you couldnt hurt me..it just aint fair the way you treat me.. No you dont deserve me.. Wasting my time thinkin bout you & u aint never gone change.. Yea I wish I wasnt in love with you so you couldnt hurt me -Heather Headly 3

Im at the lowest point of my life to date… Idk what to do with myself. I cant get out of bed, cant focus on school, cant focus at work.. My mind is all jumbled trying to find out why do ppl who give their all to someone end up on the side of the road. I did nothing wrong.. I trusted him with my life & got burned.. & him leaving was the easiest thing for him to do.. Its like Dr. jekel Mr.Hyde with him.. The person who he is today is NOT the person I met & held me at night.. I can barely even recognize him anymore.. Life is gettin harder & harder to live.. This shit is for the birds..

The times we had together were wonderful and passionate.. I learned ALOT from you probably more than you’ll ever know. Even though there is a lot of pain between you and I, I just want you to know I hold no grudges. I am no longer playing the victim in this situation. I have ALL the love in the world for you.. and at one point you were my world.. but your right it’s time to move on and go see what the world has to offer and if its written in the history books you’ll pop back up in a future chapter (fingers crossed).. but if not at least I have you in chapters past & I have all of the memories good and bad.. I know this decision was hard for you even though I didnt want it.. you did whats best..You FOREVER changed my life moonlight.. You are very special to me. Keep your dreams in sight and NEVER give up because I know you’ll make it.. (kiss your mom for me)

I love you forever and always,

Your sunshine :-*

I know whats healthy for me.. & I know whats not.. I understand the consequences of my actions.. & im fully aware of the decisions I make or dont make on a daily basis.. Im not STUPID im very intelligent. But sometimes even intelligent people do certain things that they don’t understand… I know that I want this successful, fairytale life but my heart tells me different.. Ive always thought the ONE way to make a marriage/relationship strong is to never give up on the person you love.. & that communication is KEY.. But my life experiences are showing me the total opposite.. When love is all you got.. Then its lost.. Your left with nothing..